Why should I pretend to be your friend…

The topic is kinda uneasy for me to discuss.
How can u defend urself to be right if only U know, that
U are right, but in eyes of others ; u may not WRONG!!!
Recently , there was an interactive session in the college,
(it was about knowing your own self, how much do u exactly know about your own characteristics, how much others know of you, how much others do not know of u, and how much we both do not know about you)
and I came under the sword, my friend was asked to mention
my positive and negative attributes.

And I was also suppose to do the same.
And what happened thereafter, what came to me was not easy to digest.
The strengths that were mentioned about me, were absolutely correct, while the interesting part was something opposite to that.

The negative attribute that was attached to me was
" he is short-tempered and sometimes overly-behaved"
the former part is understandable, I am a bit of it…although it has taken years for me to control my anger, or else world would have known an arrogant and rude mayo, and I am damn sure that when I get angry, the world "hates" me!

The thing that made me restless, was the later thing. "overly behaved"
And that too sometimes? What does that mean? And not only that everybody else actually agreed to it.
Alright may be I get emotional sometimes, that makes me behave in certain more noticeable way, but I don’t get on the peoples nerves.

Or do I?
That’s the question bugging me?
Then came the next thing? Which is good or bad I don’t know exactly?
One of my friends was asked to tell something about me.
And I pointed out to one of my great pals recently.

What he told was right.
"he is not for everyone, he is very choosy about his friends, his mates. He wants to be with only few people,
certain kinds of persons who interests him."

Now that’s great to hear…

I wouldn’t have wanted to be in that place for sure…

but I am glad that thing came out in open.
now...

I think its better if I clarify my side of the story…for those who read my pages and atleast are my closer ones…with whom I share a lot…
I wasn’t a guy, The way I am.
I was great to be a friend.
Always available. To whomsoever needed.
To whosoever it was.

I was always there for everyone, smiling for others, happy doing others tasks, making their life easier, or lively.
People thought of me as a great natured boy.
Boy…that’s is what hurt me.
Everyone took me as a kid…an immature kid…kind of funny, and stupid.

So that’s when I decided to change myself.

I can’t anyone take me for granted.
When they need me, they come to me; when they don’t, they ditch me!
Is that I am for…to be for others?
And so, that’s when "enough was enough".

I must have made hundreds of friends, in school, in msu, in engineering college,…and then…today hardly few of them are still ther whom I know.
I never broke those relations…they just entered in my life and went off.
And I always used to stand there and stare…where did I go wrong?
And the answer came from within…

be what u are man…be honest…
the world may leave u someday…
and the only person who will be beside you will be…
"you".
So I decided not to get up close with anyone and everyone.
Be nice…be honest…be true…to urself and to others…
And I stopped…stopped pretending to be a good friend…
of everyone and anyone!
Those who are nice to me, I am nicer to them.
Those who are harsh…kiss my ass!

And this has helped me.
Helped me to identify the real ones… the true ones…my actual friends!
And really they are closer to my heart…they have a special place…and special places are not meant for everyone…I guess.
I will be glad at the end of my life…that I got few…but the real friends…who just don’t know me…who understand me deep within!
They tell me…when I am good…when I am bad…
where I am right…where I am wrong…
I just don’t believe in pretending friend of others…who are there just by destiny and share few moments of my life…bcos they are destined to be there. So sorry folks…
here is how I would end this one…

when I love you…I can die for U.
when I hate…I can kill.