New year…new time…new surprises…

It has…for sure that the last year was full of ups and downs…happiness and sadness…thrills and harshness …love and hates…
The endings wasn’t as I had thought. Last time what I wrote was the “inner fight” that was goin on…u must be wondering wht must have happened to that…did this guy fought…or died fighting?

Hmm even the guy himself is confused for the same…he didn’t die, neither fought…he didn’t just fought up at all…why? Ask him…if you can…many tried…but mayo didn’t let anything out. Hes stupid…so stupid…knows whats wrong hes doing…to himself…but still just doesn’t want to correct the way hes living. Infact he just made his life a complete hell…sit alone….watch TV but doesn’t even remember the show he just saw half-an-hour ago…keeps on surfing from 1 to 60 channels and back to the first one…wake up at nite…start reading the newspaper…sleep at four…drank tea at 12pm and ate at 4pm…what a mess.

U must be wondering than…if mayo’s condition is such…than who actually is writing this blog? Its actually the me…the right side of mayo…right now mayo is on the bad side…confused? Even mayo is…more than you…
So lets think of it this way…I wrote that…it’s a fight goin on within…
Well the fight is between the good and kind mayo….and on the other side is the selfish one….
Right now the selfish side of me has got onto me…wanting to live the life my way…not to care for any damn one around…not to worry what bad I can cause to other….all I want to do is have the life my way…want others to do things I want…and not the way they want me to…till now enough living for others…and enough…being a nice guy…being a human…cos it never gave me what I wanted…it just brought sadness and lonliness…
And the one stopping me from being a rude and nasty is my own good one. The brighter one doesn’t want this to happen…it still wants to be the happier, funny and kind to others…always living for others…doesn’t expect…just to give…pure at heart…specially for the ones he cares a lot…

And hes really confused…he doesn’t knew what to do…which way to go…what to say…doesn’t even understand the phase hes moving through…he just sat ther…on his sofa…watching towards the window…and his mind…a storm full of gusty thoughts…calm on the outside…but a exhaustive flow of thoughts taking him in some hell world…
For the first time in his life…he didn’t care for the studies…exams were on…and mayo would hop on his bike…go out…keep on riding it till he gets exhausted….will have sips of tea…don’t count how many…ride back…sit in front of his university gate…out in the dark…looking at the far away lights…(as if looking for a small shine of light which shows him the right path out of this)…thinking of every possible way to get his confusion cleared…but to no help was he to himself. He was dumb and stupid.
Few persons he would like to thank at this moment…who could read his eyes…and tried to help him come out of this. He tried to explain…taking help of words…to frame his emotions into sentences…but all in vein. He couldn’t… a voice kept on shouting in his mind all the time… “I don’t wanna be good no more…I want to be bad. I want to be me”. And those friends he had…just with every possible concern said what they felt was good for him…but he just doesn’t listen to them. Hes is just insane.

To his own surprises…the exams were easier than expected and he thought of getting through…and then knocked the big opportunity…adanigroup came for recruitment…on the very next day of exams…he was simply not ready…he wanted to do well…accept the challenge…but he was simply not ready…he wanted to go away somewhere…wanted to be alone…and quiet.
The day was mix…he topped in the aptitude…a very bad performance in the preliminary interview…came out of the room and just disgusted with his underperformance went straight back to his room…and to his another surprise…he was selected for the final interview…
What happened next …was a joke that life would play with me ever again…so wait for the next one….

And today I wrote this stating mayo as “he” cos I m his good side that’s writing this blog…his bad side never cares for doing anything good…infact doing anything at all!


So till than happy new year…